estrellita
im from Spain and so we don't have Bridal showers, but the more i read websites i see its VERY popular in America and people seem to get gifts for both the shower and the wedding day, now is it just me or does this seem VERY greedy?
i mean why do people need to give 2 gifts? even if they arent big girfts its still ends up a lot of money.
is this really what happens?
but if its "typical" then people will clearly feel obligated to get one for both as they dont want to look bad as its your custom. so its a little greedy yes
dont you have registries though to?
isnt that where you choose the store and items you want guests to buy? that my understanding and so people wouldnt really have much choice on cost as you have alreay picked the item/cost
Answer
What the vendors of The Wedding Industry say is "the right thing to do" and what true etiquette experts like Emily Post and Miss Manners tell us is CORRECT ... these are very different things. Traditionally a shower was a lot like a surprise birthday party. There wasn't a shower for every wedding anymore than there is a surprise party for every birthday. If there was some group of acquaintances who wanted to give the bride a pleasant surprise, they would pool their money to get some light refreshments, a roll of crepe paper, and a Grand Prize. Guests got to snack, play silly games for cheap silly prizes, and one of the lucky guests won the Grand Prize.
The bride absolutely had no part in planning a shower. As you say, it is greedy to give a shower for a member of ones own family, or even ones soon to be family. When people spontaneously wish to shower the bride with gifts, that is one matter, but to try to engineer such a group by "mining" the wedding guest would once have been considered quite rude. Excepting close relatives and bridesmaids, perhaps one or two dear friends, no once should be attending both wedding and shower. For example shower invitations might go to every member of the brides bowling league or to everyone in her office or to her neighbors, but they would NOT be issued to a group with no common characteristic other than being on the wedding guest list.
That is more or less the description of a CORRECT shower. As far as I can determine, The Wedding Industry is promoting a model in which "The Shower" is as much a part of EVERY wedding as flowers and cake. In this model, lacking that group of generous well wishes who VOLUNTEER to shower the bride with gifts, the poor Maid of Honor is given the humiliating task of attempting to engineer such a group. She does this by begging wedding guests she hardly knows to join her and the bride in a pretence of their WANTING to attend an extra party and give an extra gift.
The Wedding Industry also promotes the idea that it is "rude" to refuse a shower invitation, and that one is somehow obliged to send a gift when ever one receives a shower or wedding invitation. This is nonsense. It is never rude to decline an invitation, and one need not give a reason. "[Name] regrets being unable to attend" is all one ever need say. Gifts are required ONLY if one ATTENDS a shower. (A gift is also required if one attends the birthday party of a small child.)
Further The Wedding Industry has purposely confused showers with The Bridal Luncheon, which was often a chic and dressy affair. We are told that simply gathering in a bridemaid's parents' home for brownies and soft drinks is "tacky" and that "the right thing" is for someone to rent a hall or book a restaurant. The idea is promoted that escalating the level of the party leads to escalating the level of the guests' gift giving, I suppose. Theoretically, the bridesmaids pay for all this, as if buying a dress you hate isn't enough expense. The end goal is to induce people to spend more and more money on party items, on gifts, on gift wrap, and so on, to create parties where none previously existed. This is how The Wedding Industry sells merchandice.
Wedding gifts should be sent before or after the wedding, not brought to the party. (Don't the hosts already have enough to do?) There are two reasons for giving a wedding gift. One is purely wanting to gift someone for an important event. The other is to say "I enjoyed your party very much, and thank you for inviting me." Guests are obliged to send a thank you LETTER, but saying thank you with a gift is not technically required. However it IS very much the custom, and I advise everyone who attends a wedding to send at least some sort of modest gift as a token of thanks.
I hope this was helpful.
Anyone have gift ideas for my new wife on our wedding day?
Whoda thun
Price isn't really an obstacle. Time is a factor though. Gettin' married tomorrow.
Guaranteed 10 pts for best answer in about 5 hours.
Thanks.
Answer
The important thing is that it is a "timeless" gift --- something that she can look at years from now and still love. This can be an object (such as jewelry) or a memory.
Jewelry is definitely one of the best ways to go, but I'd make it clear that it is not something you expect her to wear on the wedding day (maybe you will exchange gifts after the wedding) Some options are:
- Diamond studs (as other answers also said)
- Is she Christian? A diamond cross is a really nice gift.
- A charm bracelet with one charm --- the plus is, this makes it easier for anniversary gifts --- add an extra charm for each year together. This is very sweet and a wonderful family legacy to have.
- Pearls are nice, but note that some cultures believe that pearls are bad luck on a wedding day ---- so make sure you know the details of this first! (Sorry - I can't remember which countries say that about pearls, I'm sure you can google it or something)
- A ring - now this might sound crazy because you've already prob given her an engagement band and you are about to give her a wedding band, but the majority engagement rings lost, get lost on the honeymoon. A beautiful ring to wear on the honeymoon and later on the right hand is a practical and sweet gift.
Different ideas:
- A hobby you can enjoy together - has she always wanted to learn to play golf - what about a set of clubs and lessons. It's something that you could do together for years to come.
- Helicopter trip - you'd be surprised how affordable this can be - lot's of places will take you on a 30 minute flight over your wedding venue. You're getting married tomorrow, tell her that you want to spend an hour with her before the pre-wedding preparations begin and fly her over the church/venue where the wedding will occur later in the day. You could also do this following the wedding or when you return from your honeymoon.
- Any special things on your side of the family? A piece of silver that was your grandmothers that you could give to her to welcome her into your new family?
- A book of love poems is an affordable option, nice with a handwritten note on the inside and something that you can both keep for years.
Another thing --- have one of your friends deliver a bouquet of roses and a handwritten card to her while she is getting ready (a groomsman, bridesmaid or family member would prob be glad to help). It would mean the world to me if my fiance thought to send me a little note saying that he can't wait to see me walk down the aisle.
Good luck!
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